Key points
- If more people listened and agreed with the speaker’s undisputed facts, conversations could be more positive.
- Practice the three “A’s”: agree, augment, and add.
- Overall health can be improved by positive conversations, even when you disagree with the speaker.
For those true crime fans, or those simply following current trials in the national news, you have no doubt heard about accused murderer Lindsay Clancy. The parties do not dispute that Clancy killed her three young children: 5-year-old Cora, 3-year-old Dawson, and 8-month-old Callan. Prosecutors contend the killings were planned and intentional. Her defense argues that she was not criminally responsible because she suffered a psychotic break
Stipulation of Facts Agreed to by Prosecution and Defense
While the decision as to murder or insanity will be in the hands of a jury of 12, the prosecution and defense have reached certain stipulations: specific facts to which both parties agree. This avoids the necessity of numerous witnesses and lengthy testimony. For example, the parties agreed to chain of custody regarding biological samples, DNA, and some physical evidence, meaning that the parties agree the items were handled properly according to protocol. Good on them. Legally, given both parties agree she did kill the children, why not agree to those facts which are not disputed?
Shouldn’t we all stipulate to agreed-to facts?
If only people approached real life with stipulations. Why can’t people at least agree to those facts which are not disputed? And why should they?
Agreeing to Disagree Is a Good Thing
Many have written about why and how “agreeing to disagree” can be a positive thing. Note how when someone starts to talk politics at a party, the temperature in the room immediately goes up. It isn’t necessarily that politics are divisive; it may be that people immediately react negatively, creating a negative, toxic environment around the discussion of politics
Use the Triple-A Strategy to Disagree Agreeably
Agree:Instead, start with the facts you can agree with—stipulate, if you will. This is part of the “triple-A strategy” described to disagree agreeably. Agree, augment, and add. Listen and reply with “yes, I agree…”
It can be as simple as, “Yes, I agree it is difficult to discuss the political candidates for our district…” There is some aspect of what was said that you do actually agree with factually, so reach with agreement or appreciation
Augment:To augment, pick up on a specific word or point and elaborate on what you agree with about it. “They both have extreme positions about…” This acts as a bridge between you and the speaker that you are both on the same page about the issues raised by the speaker; that you understand their point
Add:Then add your point. Make your statement. Argue your position. Be careful though. Don’t use “but,” which has a negative effect. “I am stipulating to the photograph of the murder weapon, but I think it looks bigger than it is.” Instead, “I am stipulating to the photograph of the murder weapon, and note the ruler in the photograph demonstrates the actual size.”
A Positive Conversation Can Improve Well-Being
Here is why I stand by seeing what facts you can agree with to start, and then converse from there. Because it makes the exchange less emotional. You start in a common place and can then have a more positive conversation. And a more positive conversation can have positive health effects. Conversations with each other affect the quality of social relationships, which in large part determines a person’s well-being
Listening and Agreeing Can Be a Good Thing
Agreeing to specific facts as a starting point in any conversation can lead to a real, listening dialogue and exchange. It diminishes the immediate knee-jerk defensive, negative emotions, which can lead to a positive experience, adding to a person’s overall health
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/resolution-not-conflict/201201/the-art-of-disagreeing-agreeably
<a href="https://www.apa.org/monitor/2023/11/conversations-key-to-wellbeing” rel=”nofollow noopener” target=”_blank”>https://www.apa.org/monitor/2023/11/conversations-key-to-wellbeing
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/resolution-not-conflict/201201/the-art-of-disagreeing-agreeably
