Key points
- The “friendship recession” is making it harder for adults to find and maintain close relationships.
- Midlife is often a period of significant upheavals in life; midlife loneliness tends to follow.
- AI companions offer a form of connection that avoids conflict, delay, and disappointment.
- Real friendships help us grow through learning patience, flexibility, and resilience.
I’ve completed a lot of research into friendship across the lifespan, and what has always been a given is that friendships are voluntary relationships between two people. That “chosen” nature of friendship has always made it something special. These relationships are built on mutuality, reciprocity, and genuine fondness for one another
But today, the face of friendship doesn’t always look like it used to. As the friendship recession leaves people struggling to maintain close social connections, millions of people are now turning to AI friends for companionship, emotional support, and connection. These artificial intelligence companions can, in some ways, rival person-to-person friendships, but they also may pose unexpected hazards to the human relationships that sustain us in the real world (Yong et al., 2026)
AI Friends Are Always Up for the Adventure
Most of us have had to disappoint friends when we had to “cancel” or turn down an opportunity to get together or enjoy an adventure together. We’ve also all suffered the disappointment that comes when friends cancel on us. This is an early lesson that friendships teach us—that disappointment is part of relationships, and we learn how to manage those feelings without feeling the relationship is wrecked
With AI companions, they are always ready to engage with us and never put us off or make us wait for an answer. They’ve been programmed to remember big events, ask us follow-up questions when we start a conversation, tolerate our complaints or constant requests for feedback or guidance, and predict and comment on our interests and interaction patterns. As a personal example, I ask “my” Alexa about the weather a couple of times a day. I was floored the day Alexa felt moved to observe about me, “You’re very interested in the daily weather.”
Not only are AI companions always available, but they also remove many of the frustrations that accompany human relationships
The Midlife Friendship Gap
One of the most frequently raised concerns I hear from my adult clients is the difficulty in finding and keeping close friends in midlife—midlife loneliness is real. This period of life is one of great flux, and the changes experienced can be more significant to our emotional and social well-being than we give ourselves permission to recognize
Empty nests provide more time for personal pursuits or social engagement, but friends seem scarcer than before. Retirement may move people from the “captive social landscape” of the office to a lonely, home-based day. Divorce and widowhood are both “expected transitions” (Degges-White & Myers, 2006) of this life stage, which both impact social circles. Geographic moves to either care for parents or be nearer to adult children also interrupt friendships. These individual transitions not only strengthen the need for close friends and social support but also bump up against the fact that our friends and potential friends are equally consumed by the transitions they are experiencing.
This new midlife loneliness is different from what young adults are facing. They are still trying out new identities and finding their footing in the world. Midlife loneliness emerges when our once-reliable social connections weaken or disappear due to “losing” our place in the world. Noting the positive experiences that younger people have had with AI companions, it begs the question of whether AI companions could fill a friendship void that midlife adults are silently, and also shamefacedly, facing?
When Friendships Require Nothing in Return
When we think about the qualities we value most in our friends, research suggests these are key factors: dependability, empathy, support in good times and bad, and fun to be around. And on the flip side, what friendship requires in terms of engagement also includes compromise, flexibility, and emotional labor. AI companions simulate those personal traits but require next to none of the “friendship labor” that true friendships require. We structure our AI relationships around our needs, not theirs. But what happens when an emotional support relationship becomes “frictionless”?
Humans are quick to adapt to changing conditions; that’s how we’ve lasted so long as a species. But that also means we adjust “downwards,” too, so that we quickly get used to things that make life easier. Does this also mean that we’re going to rely on AI companions rather than “tough out” real friendships?
Friends Essential Reads
What Your GPS Knows About Friendship
Building Inner Conviction in Unstable Times
It’s possible that our expectations for friendship may increase as we grow used to agreeable AI companions. We may forget that conflict pops up in even the healthiest of friendships and be unable to tolerate or work through differences of opinion or “crunchy” moments in relationships. AI companions provide instant answers, but friends often forget to text or call back for days. Friends also interrupt us when we’re speaking, disappoint us at times, and can misunderstand us when we’re pouring out our hearts. These are not “friendship flaws,” but friendship facts.
From our earliest friendships, we learn lessons about conflict management, forgiveness, patience, empathy, and resilience. AI companions never hurt our feelings, often flatter us, encourage us to think highly of ourselves, and readily follow whatever conversational topic we bring up. This “congeniality” actually limits the “friendship lessons” that AI companions can teach or reinforce
Can AI Companions Fill the Midlife Friendship Gap?
As the friendship recession reaches many adults in midlife, they may find some comfort in the presence of AI companions. When friends are scarce or busy, or life feels isolating, AI companions are ready to engage and provide a sense of connection that may feel like a lifeline. If not viewed as a replacement for friendship, but as a supplement to it, they may serve a purpose. But the personal growth that comes from navigating imperfect human friendships and the unpredictability of human nature can’t be replicated by AI.
The friendships that may occasionally disappoint us are still the relationships that will enrich us most—at midlife and throughout the lifespan
Degges-White, S., & Myers, J. E. (2006). Transitions, wellness, and life satisfaction: Implications for counseling midlife women. Journal of Mental Health Counseling, 28(2), 133-150
Yong, S., Zhao, M., Martin-Boyle, A., Flick, C., & Yarosh, S. (2026, June). ” I Want It to Sound Like Me”: Understanding Teenagers’ Views of Generative AI-Mediated Communication in Friendship. In Proceedings of the 25th Annual ACM Interaction Design and Children Conference (pp. 341-354)
