One of the hardest things about stopping drinking is wondering what happens to your social life afterwards. If nights out, weekends away and quick catch-ups with your mates have always centred around pints, it’s easy to assume that giving up booze means giving up the fun too
For Alcohol Change UK ambassador, and “ex-problematic binge drinker”, Sam O’Brien West, that fear turned out to be an unnecessary worry. After getting sober himself, he discovered that his friendships didn’t disappear – they simply evolved. Better still, he found there were plenty of ways to spend time with mates that left him feeling energised, instead of hungover
“My friendship groups have always tended to revolve around drinking,” says O’Brien West, “but that’s changed over time and now my mates are really up for doing different things, especially in the outdoors,” he says. “From what I’m seeing, that’s a trend that’s happening in most groups of friends across the country.”
So how can you cut the booze without cutting the fun?
Initiate plans
O’Brien West suggests that being the person to initiate different kinds of plans – ones that don’t centre around drinking – can be really helpful. “If those plans aren’t happening in your group at the moment, be the one to make it happen.”
“Whether it’s a weekend in the Lake District, doing one of the peaks like Ben Nevis or Snowdonia, or something like the Three Peaks Challenge. All of those things are great fun to do as a group of lads – and in my experience most people are up for it.”
Play sport together
Sport can work in a similar way too. “Lean on the sports that you like and are popular in your friendship group too,” he suggests. “Golf was massive for me in early sobriety and still is now. A lot of my mates play and it’s perfect because it’s an early start at the weekend – that you don’t want to ruin with a hangover – and it’s four hours out in nature with your mates doing something that doesn’t revolve around booze.”
“Find whatever that is for you and again, be the one to book it and get it organised.”
Meet friends during the day
Not every social occasion needs to become an adventure either. Sometimes, swapping late nights for earlier meet-ups is enough
“These days I generally prefer something like going for a run and coffee over a late night,” says O’Brien West. “So, I try to meet as many of my mates as possible in that way and again, I’ve not been met with any mad scepticism about that as a plan. Generally people are pretty keen.”
Don’t avoid the pub – just don’t centre everything around it
“It’s worth remembering that you’re not banned from the pub just because you don’t drink”[1]
Of course, quitting alcohol doesn’t mean you have to avoid pubs altogether. “It’s worth remembering that you’re not banned from the pub just because you don’t drink,” he says. “I still go regularly and that’s made a lot better by the fact that there’s usually a good alcohol-free beer behind most bars these days.”
It’s the small details, he says, that can make social situations feel much more comfortable
“If [non alcoholic drinks] are on tap that’s ideal, because personally I find there’s just something about drinking from a pint glass that looks just the same as everyone else’s that just helps you feel a bit more blended in somehow. But you can also just buy two bottles and ask for a pint glass. I’ve done that quite a few times too.”
Please note: “If you were dependent on alcohol and/or are in recovery from serious alcohol dependence, being in those environments and drinking alcohol-free beers may not be appropriate.”
Fuel your energy levels
Preparing yourself before heading out can make just as much difference as what you’re drinking once you’re there, says O’Brien West. Drinking can often provide energy in the short term (but takes it away in the long term) when we don’t feel like we have it, so you need to make sure you can get it in new ways
“The main thing is just about ensuring you feel as positive and energetic as possible heading into these environments,” he says. “The best thing you can do is ensure you get a great sleep the night before because you have to rely on natural energy in sobriety.”
O’Brien West also says that doing some exercise before heading out can also help. “I find it helpful to do a bit of cardio not long before you head out to get some natural endorphins going.”
Keep good company
Perhaps his biggest lesson, though, is that sobriety changes the way you view your relationships – and often for the better
“Maybe the most important [advice] of all,” says O’Brien West, is to “make sure you actually want to go and see the people you’re meeting up with,”. “Whether you have a good time or not sober depends wholly on that really – whether they’re actually good mates or not.”
“It’s obvious when you say it out loud, but when you’re drinking that doesn’t actually matter too much because you end up becoming numb to the situation and getting an artificial buzz regardless of who you’re with.”
He adds: “Sobriety doesn’t have to shrink your world. Sometimes it simply gives you the nudge to build a better one.”
If you or someone you know is struggling with alcohol, please find a full list of support services, groups and networks available on Alcohol Change’s website, just visitGet help now | Alcohol Change UKfor more information
About
Megan Graye is a freelance journalist and content producer. On top of having written for publications such as The Independent, The V&A and Cosmopolitan, she has also founded her own non-profit organisation – VOCAL GIRLS – which promotes artists of marginalised genders in music
