Dating. It’s the worst, am I right? Well, if you ever wondered what makes a man interested in dating a particular woman besides initial attraction, you’ve come to the right place. On the very manly subreddit r/AskMen, Reddit user u/anonymouscat2 asked: Men, what makes you want to seriously date a woman? The answers flooded in with preferences, and I selected the most upvoted ones:
1. “Self-Awareness is a big plus. Everybody has their share of flaws, and if she knows hers, that’s a big plus. If she acknowledges them, she is marriage material. There is nothing wrong with having flaws. But pretending that you are perfect and nothing is ever your fault is a major turn-off.”
2. “Confidence. She doesn’t have to be arrogant or confrontational, but just confident in whatever she’s got going on and what she’s about. Confident in her own opinions and decisions. Confident in herself or her looks, and not always complaining about how X she is or how Y she’s starting to get. It’s refreshing to meet someone with a personality you know doesn’t need you or your praise to be happy. They are just happy with themselves. I know so many guys who will end up being attracted to whatever a woman looks like if she’s radiating confidence and is a happy person all around. Obviously, that’s not a universal rule, but I think it helps a lot.”
3. “When she isn’t afraid to take the initiative sometimes and actually seems genuinely interested in me. With so many women, it feels like a one-way street where I am expected to do all the work. When it feels like we are a team is what I am looking for.”
4. “She is smarter than I in some areas, while I am smarter than her in others. I think complementary traits are important for a strong relationship. Being able to reliably support each other’s weaknesses builds a deep trust.”
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5. “The woman I’m interested in right now is the full package: Gorgeous, independent, intelligent, great laugh, great sense of humor, and boss as hell at chess and video games. She’s the type you brag to everyone about, show your parents, and marry.”
6. “Friendly, smart, supportive, kind, pretty (but that’s only a plus). A huge plus would also be liking to hug, cuddle, and most importantly, being interested in what I say.”
7. “It might have nothing to do with you. A lot of us just aren’t ready to seriously date anyone, but would still entertain the idea. My advice is to find out whether the guys you are into are ready for that. I wouldn’t change myself unless it’s for other self-development reasons.”
8. “Just effort, really. Make some effort to carry on the conversation; at least pretend to be interested in my hobbies or professional field. In general, be proactive. Are we planning a date? Offer some input, some ideas.”
9. “A woman who is able to communicate, who is intellectually curious, and who is empathetic. If I find one like that, I know what to do. The one I’m dating right now is promising in that regard.”
10. “An intelligent, college-educated woman around my age who has similar nerdy interests, a relaxed and low-maintenance demeanor, and with whom I feel I can share everything. Basically, the woman I’ve got. She makes double my salary, and I think that’s dope. We do stuff like LARPing and play Magic: The Gathering or video games together.”
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11. “Personality. For example, I know this woman who is very attractive, fit, and intelligent, but what makes her stand out is her personality. She is the kind of person who is magnetic. Everyone wants to be around her. She lights up a room. It’s good to keep in mind that a person can have all these great attributes and still have problems meeting someone; there are a lot of variables, a big one being chemistry.”
12. “Honesty, knowing what she wants, open-mindedness, having similar hobbies and interests to mine, compassion, being emotionally present and available, putting effort into getting to know me.”
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13. “If I can really get her to laugh. If we keep randomly staring into each other’s eyes, then realizing what we are doing and darting said eyes away, only to then dart them back. God, prolonged eye contact is so good. Smart and/or artistic. When that little awkward silence when talking to them feels good or somehow natural, like just existing next to this person makes me happier. If they share a lot of interests and read similar stuff. If they also exhibit flustered and cute little hints at their feelings.”
14. “Someone who wants to be with me just as much as I want to be with them. You want to be with me too badly; you come off as desperate. But not enough, and you seem distant. I feel kind of an a**hole phrasing it that way, but I’ve been with my girlfriend for almost a year now, and we’ve been on the same wavelength in that sense the whole time.”
15. “First: TRUST!!!! NO DRAMA. As little in your life and certainly none from others (i.e., your friends’ drama being injected into my life). I don’t give one rat’s hair that your friend just broke up with her third boyfriend in the span of two months. No stupid games. Easy to hold a conversation. Sense of humor. Mutual respect. Looks. Kindness. Not overly clingy. Ability to have an argument without the over-the-top dramatics. Focused on the relationship. Not bouncing from club to club. Has limited social media. Doesn’t require posting every aspect of their life. Confidentiality. You want to gossip to your friends about my private life, you can f*ck right off.”
16. “Someone with whom you have a great time doing anything from just watching TV on the couch to going out with friends/family. That bond that you can feel, where every day you still get butterflies when you see them. The instant connection.”
17. “Just really looking for a lifelong partner. I just feel lonely and missing out on love. I know I have family, so I am not technically lonely or loved, but having that special connection with someone is what I feel I am missing.”
18. “Similar interests, good sense of humor, caring, ok with silence instead of constantly having to talk. And of course, reasonably physically cute and attractive.”
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19. “Someone who is relaxed, approachable, passionate about something positive, looks after herself, and listens as well as I do.”
20. “Sexual compatibility. I consider it an absolute necessity after several dead/boring bedroom situations. I’ve been dating my girlfriend for eight years because she called me and told me to meet her at a bar (acquaintances at the time), flashed her breasts at me while we were playing pool to f*ck up my shot, made out with me a couple times, then ended up giving me a blowjob in the bathroom and riding me reverse cowgirl on the beach two blocks away (at midnight). And here’s the important part: she hasn’t stopped doing stuff like that since. She’s also incredibly brilliant, beautiful, social/outspoken, has a great sense of humor, and even loves playing video games, all of which made me truly love her, but yeah…the other stuff is what made me want to seriously date her.”
21. “She’s confident enough to at least show me that she likes me, has a sense of humor, engages in and is interested in conversations with me, validates/respects me as a person, is physically affectionate and likes hugs, cuddling, lovey stuff like that.”
22. “Being trustworthy is a big one for me — and not just in terms of ‘you won’t cheat on me.’ I mean more like emotional trustworthiness. As in, you won’t keep your feelings secret, and I’ll always have to question whether you feel the way you claim you do. Even minor sh*t like the ‘I’ll eat wherever’ or ‘I’m down to do anything’ when you have something specific in mind just grinds away at that trust. I guess you could also say that I want someone to be open about their feelings, but even that doesn’t quite fit what I’m looking for. I want someone I can trust enough to know that if they’re not being open, then they’ve got a good reason for it and aren’t doing it just to play games.”
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23. “One, it’s how you dress. Appearance and style are key. Guys have a type, so pick a style that suits you and stick to it. Two, it’s how you act. Don’t throw yourself at men because they give you affection or attention. Be friends with the guy and let him drop his guard around you. Nothing can make someone like you more than a true connection. It just takes a bit of time. Also. If you’re still reading this, I want you to know that it’s ok to be alone. It’s okay not to be okay. Live your life for you. Not for anyone else. Enjoy your life while you have it. <3”
24. “Shared major life goals are a big thing. Like, I wouldn’t really want to date women who want kids and a house in the suburbs because that’s just not what I want. That’s not a negative judgment on them, just an acknowledgment that we want different things. As for other traits? Consistency, honesty, humility, openness, etc., are all pretty big turn-ons. The ability to recognize your own flaws but not wallow in them is pretty hot, so is having some basic adult life skills figured out and knowing how to balance fun and responsibility.”
25. “Personally, I like an independent woman with a good career, sense of humor, and interesting/shared hobbies. Looks and all that come last for me, we all get old and wrinkly, but if she’s hot, that’s just icing on the cake.”
26. “I feel like people can read emotion off of body language really easily. One of the most attractive qualities is when a woman (or guy) shows confidence and makes it clear that she has no expectations. What I mean by that is, if you are interested, flirt with him, compliment him, and compliment yourself, smile, laugh, and have fun. But try to keep in mind that you are just as good on your own. Keep focused on taking care of yourself, but still make time for him. Don’t sacrifice yourself, but definitely make an effort. Confidence and self-reliance/self-care are sexy, and if he likes you, he will keep coming back. That being said, don’t make the guy do ALL the work either. If you start by making the move/flirting/bringing up romance, it will be much appreciated.”
27. “I basically want a bromance with romantic feelings and steamy sex added.”
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28. “Honestly, just someone I could imagine being a best friend and intimate with.”
29. “Kind and interested in who I am and what I do; same interests.”
30. “Sexually attractive. Having that spark. Being able to have a laugh.”
31. “Attractive and fun equals dating. Attractive and not fun equals no dating. Not attractive and fun equals friend.”
32. “When I realized I was enjoying talking to this person just too much.”
33. “She’s gotta like me, lol.”
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Men, what is a quality that women have that makes you want to date them? Either leave a comment or use the anonymous form below
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