Every time a celebrity appears to lose weight, the same debate begins. Some people say we shouldn’t comment on another person’s body. Others argue staying silent ignores the possibility that someone may be struggling
So when does genuine concern become harmful scrutiny?
It’s a question many people have been asking following recent public discussion about singer Ariana Grande’s appearance
Today Grande announced she will be “taking a step back from visibility” after her current tour, saying recent public appearances had led to “endless, ongoing public scrutiny”
Grande hasn’t said this relates to her weight or to an eating disorder, and it would be inappropriate to speculate about her health. But the discussion raises an important question that extends far beyond celebrities
I’m a clinical psychologist and academic who has spent more than 20 years researching and working with people experiencing eating disorders
Here’s what I’ve found about the difference between scrutiny and concern – and why the difference matters when you’re worried someone might have an eating disorder
Scrutiny focuses on bodies, concern focuses on people
Scrutiny begins with appearance, while concern begins with wellbeing. Scrutiny asks, “What does this person look like?” Concern asks, “How is this person coping?”
When we publicly analyse someone’s body, we’re making assumptions about their health based on appearance alone. Yet you cannot tell if someone has an eating disorder simply by looking at someone. Eating disorders occur across all body sizes, ages, genders and backgrounds. Many people experiencing serious eating disorders are never underweight
Likewise, weight loss can occur for many reasons, including physical illness, medication, grief, stress or other life circumstances. Appearance alone simply doesn’t tell us enough
Why public speculation can do more harm than good
Many people defend comments about a celebrity’s appearance by saying they’re simply expressing concern
But concern doesn’t require thousands of strangers discussing someone’s body online. Public speculation can become deeply personal, intrusive and impossible to escape. It can also have unintended consequences for everyone else watching
Research shows stigma surrounding eating disorders remains a major barrier to seeking help. Many people delay treatment because of shame, fear of judgement and misconceptions about what an eating disorder looks like
Weight stigma itself contributes to body dissatisfaction, disordered eating and poorer mental health
So public conversations that repeatedly evaluate people’s bodies may inadvertently reinforce exactly the problems we hope to prevent
If you’re worried about someone
Before saying anything, ask yourself: am I commenting on this person’s body, or am I checking in on the person? That shift, from appearance to wellbeing, can completely change how your concern is received
If you’re worried about someone you know, try shifting your attention away from their body and towards changes in their wellbeing, or behaviours you’ve noticed
Perhaps they seem withdrawn. Maybe they’ve stopped joining family meals, become increasingly anxious around food, started exercising compulsively, or no longer seem interested in activities they once enjoyed
Rather than saying: “You’ve become so thin”, try saying: “I’ve noticed you don’t seem like yourself lately. How are you going?” or “I’m worried about you because you don’t seem yourself. Is there anything you’d like to talk about?”
This small change makes a big difference
If someone tells you they are struggling, resist the urge to become their therapist or convince them they have an eating disorder. Instead, listen. Thank them for trusting you. The goal isn’t to diagnose someone: it’s to let them know they matter
Encourage them to speak with their GP or another health professional experienced in eating disorders. The Butterfly Foundation provides excellent ree conversations well
It’s also important to have these conversation privately when you are alone with the person rather than in front of others so you don’t further stigmatise the person and the issue. People are more likely to be open and calm when a conversation is held in a private, respectful manner
Looking after yourself
If you have an eating disorder, or are recovering from one, the current media discussion may feel overwhelming. It’s OK to step away. Limit your exposure to social media discussions and comment sections. Curate your online environment
Spend time with people who value you for who you are rather than how you look
As I discuss in my book Embracing You, A Practical Guide to Body Image and Self-Acceptance, recovery is about reclaiming your life back from appearance-based thinking. It’s about reconnecting with your relationships, your values, your purpose and your wellbeing
So the next time you’re worried about someone’s health, don’t ask yourself what you see when you look at their body. Ask what they might need as a person. That simple shift, from scrutiny to compassion, could make all the difference
If this article has raised issues for you, or if you’re concerned about someone you know, call Lifeline on 13 11 14. The Butterfly Foundation provides support for eating disorders and body image issues, and can be reached on 1800 334 673
