Key points
- How you think about being single predicts how you experience it.
- Self-expansion theory says we grow our sense of self by absorbing new experiences and perspectives.
- People who believe singlehood offers growth potential report less fear of being single and greater well-being.
- Most of this growth happens socially, but 1 in 5 self-expanding moments happen in solitude.
Somewhere along the way, singlehood got filed under “problem to be solved.” Culturally, we treat it as a deficit state—something you’re in until you’re not, a stretch of life defined by what’s missing rather than what’s there. New research makes the case that this framing is not just uncharitable, it’s inaccurate. For a lot of single people, singlehood isn’t a hole to fill. It’s a legitimate, evidence-backed avenue for personal growth
The Case for Being Happily Unattached
Self-expansion theory holds that humans have a built-in drive to grow their sense of self, often by absorbing another person’s knowledge and perspectives into their own identity. That’s part of why new relationships feel intoxicating. You’re not just getting a partner, you’re getting access to their whole internal library. For decades, this research has focused almost entirely on romantic relationships, quietly assuming the primary growth engine in your life needs to come with a ring
A team of researchers decided to test this assumption directly by asking the question: Do single people who see singlehood as an opportunity for growth actually experience more of it, and does that mentality pay off in better well-being?
What the Findings Show
Across two diary studies, single participants who agreed with statements like “being single has the potential to make me grow as a person” reported less fear of being single, greater singlehood satisfaction, and stronger life satisfaction. Much of that benefit ran through actual behavior. These were the people out there doing more novel, self-expanding things day to day
A third study tried to manipulate this mindset directly, asking participants to imagine either novel or routine future activities. The prompt didn’t shift people’s underlying beliefs about singlehood’s potential—apparently a two-minute writing exercise isn’t enough to rewire a worldview—but it did boost mood and reported growth in the moment
The Company You Keep
One finding undercuts the lone-wolf stereotype entirely: 82 percent of the self-expanding moments participants logged happened with someone else, usually friends or family—for example, pickup basketball, concerts, dinner, travel, etc. The theory was built around romantic partners, but the data suggest your best friend can do a lot of the same psychological heavy lifting. The remaining 18 percent happened alone, which makes a nice little argument for the value of solitude, not just company
Who Struggles With This?
Not everyone experiences singlehood as an opportunity. People who are involuntarily single; those who strongly want a committed relationship; and those who believe no one is truly complete without a partner were less likely to see growth potential in their status. Lower self-esteem and higher attachmentanxiety tracked the same way. That’s a signal that the mindset is worth examining on its own terms, separate from the circumstance
Conclusion
This isn’t an argument that singlehood beats partnership. It’s an argument against treating singlehood as a waiting period at all. The data suggest that if you’re single and you’re open to the idea, then a hobby, a trip with your sister, or a quiet night with a book aren’t consolation prizes. They’re activities that deliver the same growth mechanism relationships get credit for; they just run on a different engine. For plenty of people, being single, rather than something to endure, is something to get good at.
References
Moreno, E., Girme, Y. U., Burik, A., & Stanton, S. C. E. (2026). Riding solo: The associations between singlehood self-expansion potential, self-expansion experiences, and singlehood outcomes. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. doi.org/10.1177/01461672261462978
