By
- R. Eric Thomas
Dear Eric: Once a year, the company I work for encourages a day off from work spent with coworkers labeled as a ‘mental health day.’
To me this would be OK if we didn’t spend so much time together at work. I work 40 hours a week with these people. I spend eight hours a day with them whereas I only spend about six hours with my family
We all have families, children and other responsibilities. I like my coworkers and we get along well together, but I think it’s a little much to take one day that we could spend with each of our families, cleaning our houses and just enjoying time away from work getting a mental break rather than basically talking about work
Doing this stresses me out even more. I like my coworkers and I like spending time with them outside of work. We get together a couple of days during the summer and on weekends to eat lunch together
But I don’t like the idea of this being forced. What do you think?
— Stressed About Mental Health Day
Dear Stressed: While your company’s intentions may be good (or neutral), this doesn’t really strike me as a mental health day so much as compulsory bonding. The goal may be a workforce that functions better. But without a specific focus on mental health — i.e., seminars on meditation; feedback sessions about workplace stress — the intention is going to be muddled at best, completely lost at worst
For your own mental well-being, it may be helpful to think of these days in another way. Presuming that they’re days that you would normally be working and not weekends or other holidays, try not to think of them as taking time away from your family or personal life. This will just lead to resentment. If there is a person that heads this effort, you might talk to them about what their intentions are and see if they’re open to feedback
Now, if these days are actually part of your personal time, that’s a different story. In that case, you might ask if this is considered a requirement for your job and, if so, what accommodations the company can offer to make up for the additional hours being asked of you. Depending on the structure of your employment and your contract, this may or may not go very far, but it’s worth having a conversation about
Dear Eric: I am a 59-year-old woman who has no children. I have never married and I do not have any siblings
I have a few ailments that require doctors’ appointments
I lost my parents years ago
My question to you is this: Who will be there for me when I am no longer able to care for myself?
I don’t have any good friends. The friends I had in my 20s were not as wonderful as I thought they were. We all went our separate ways. I found out that I was one of the two that were left out of the circle. My mother had gotten into some trouble when I was 35. Those friends of mine dropped me like a hot potato
I know that they are all still sharing their lives due to social media
I was too busy having fun and now it isn’t fun anymore. I am afraid that I will wind up in a nursing home. That scares me and depresses me. Do you have any suggestions?
Dear Alone: While I acknowledge and understand the situation in which you find yourself is scary, I encourage you to think about the path before you as a partial new beginning. Your life is not what it once was, but your life is not over
What you’re lacking at the moment is meaningful connection with others. You may not find it in the same ways or with the same structure as you did when you were younger, but it is possible. Social groups, religious organizations, community centers, and support groups can all provide you with connection and support. Remember that deep friendships take time and energy, so don’t be discouraged if you don’t find the connections you’re seeking right away
Depending on your medical needs, you might also talk with your doctor, a social worker, a financial planner, or a senior life manager about how to set yourself up for the future. For instance, it may be of interest to you to move to a senior community in the next decade, which can provide social support, medical care when needed, and community. If a senior living community isn’t within your means, talking about your goals and concerns with others may point you to options that meet your needs and will help you feel more secure about the future.
Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com
