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Key points
- Young men are searching for belonging.
- Vulnerability and strength are complementary, not opposing qualities.
- Healthy masculinity channels ambition, anger, and drive with wisdom.
Young men in the United States appear to be facing a growing crisis of loneliness, uncertainty, and disconnection
Gallup data collected in 2023 and 2024 found that 25% of U.S. men ages 15 to 34 reported feeling lonely “a lot” during the previous day, compared with 18% of women the same age (Dugan, 2025). Men are also more likely to misuse drugs, and male overdose mortality rates remain substantially higher than female rates (NIDA, 2020, 2023). The disparity is even more striking in suicide: in 2024, the age-adjusted U.S. suicide rate was 22.2 deaths per 100,000 males compared with 5.6 for females (CDC, 2026a).
These statistics came to mind while watching a CNN segment about the rise of “man camps”—boot-camp-style programs promising greater confidence, practical skills, self-awareness, and dating success
Their popularity may reflect something deeper than dating anxiety. Many young men seem to be asking not only “How do I become more confident?” but also “Where do I belong, and what does it mean to become a man?”
Doubt and Disconnection
NYU professor Scott Galloway has argued that many young men are increasingly falling behind in education, employment, friendship, and romantic relationships
Self-doubt may both result from and reinforce this pattern. Academic struggles can erode confidence. Limited economic opportunity may delay independence. Romantic rejection can deepen feelings of inadequacy. Over time, these experiences can lead some young men to withdraw from precisely the experiences that build resilience, competence, and connection
Educational trends illustrate the challenge. In 2022, 57% of male high school graduates immediately enrolled in college, compared with 66% of female graduates (NCES, 2024a). Among students entering four-year institutions, men also graduated at lower rates (NCES, 2024b)
College is not the only path to adulthood or success. But when young men disengage from education or vocational training, they may also lose important
The dating landscape reflects a similar pattern. Pew Research Center found that 63% of men under 30 identified as single, compared with 34% of women (Brown, 2023). While demographic factors partly explain the difference, the findings suggest many young men are struggling to establish lasting romantic relationships
Without meaningful work, close friendships, or intimate relationships, some retreat into pornography, video games, grievance-based online communities, or endless digital distraction. None of these pursuits is inherently harmful, and online communities can provide genuine connection. The problem arises when virtual engagement consistently replaces face-to-face relationships, purposeful activity, and the willingness to risk failure or rejection
The issue, then, may not simply be confidence. Many young men appear uncertain about where they belong, what they can contribute, and what adulthood should look like
The Double Bind of Male Vulnerability
One challenge is the conflicting messages boys receive about vulnerability
They are increasingly encouraged to be emotionally aware, expressive, and compassionate. Yet they also learn that showing too much vulnerability can make them appear weak or less masculine
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This creates a double bind: Can I be emotionally open and still be respected? Will people admire my sensitivity—or lose respect for me?
I saw this tension with my own son after he was bullied. My spouse and I encouraged calm, respectful responses. He rejected some of our suggestions because they felt “too soft” and, in his view, would invite more bullying. His reaction captured an important reality: Advice that sounds wise to adults may feel socially costly in the environments boys actually inhabit
Healthy vulnerability does not mean emotional oversharing or abandoning strength. It means recognizing emotions, expressing them appropriately, asking for help when needed, and remaining engaged despite the possibility of rejection
Strength and vulnerability are not opposites. In many ways, to permit oneself to be vulnerable requires a certain type of strength
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Our task is not simply to encourage boys to express emotions, but to create families, schools, workplaces, friendships, and intimate relationships where emotional honesty is genuinely respected rather than merely praised in theory
Positive male role models matter here. Fathers, coaches, teachers, mentors, counselors, and community leaders can demonstrate that courage includes acknowledging fear, grief, uncertainty, and disappointment without surrendering dignity or self-respect
Biology Is Not Destiny
A second issue involves biology
During puberty, testosterone contributes to physical changes including increased muscle mass, sexual maturation, libido, and greater physical strength (Nassar & Leslie, 2023). Recognizing these influences does not reduce complex human behavior to hormones or excuse harmful conduct; human behavior emerges through the interaction of biology, temperament, family, culture, trauma, peers, opportunity, and personal choice
Still, avoiding conversations about physical strength, competition, sexuality, anger, or status does boys few favors. When traits commonly associated with masculinity are discussed only as problems to manage, some young men may conclude that an important part of themselves is inherently dangerous or shameful
Certainly, aggression, coercion, and reckless risk-taking deserve firm limits. But guiding these impulses does not require shaming boys for experiencing ambition, physical energy, competitiveness, anger, or sexual desire
Instead, the goal is integration
Physical energy can become athletics, skilled trades, exploration, or service. Competitiveness can fuel mastery and perseverance. Assertiveness can coexist with empathy. Sexual desire can be integrated with patience, mutual respect, and consent. Anger can become information rather than instruction
The question is not how to eliminate these capacities, but how to help young men understand and govern them wisely
Boys need adults willing to speak honestly about strength, sexuality, competition, rejection, responsibility, and emotional pain—without either glorifying or condemning them. They also need meaningful opportunities to take risks, build competence, contribute to others, and experience earned success
A Broader Definition of Manhood
The struggles facing young men cannot be explained by any single cause. Economic uncertainty, educational disengagement, changing gender roles, digital isolation, family disruption, and the weakening of community institutions likely all contribute
But any meaningful response must help young men answer two enduring questions:
How can I be emotionally open without losing my sense of dignity?
How can I channel strength, ambition, sexuality, competitiveness, and anger in ways that benefit both myself and others?
Young men do not need a return to rigid, emotionally restrictive models of masculinity. Nor do they need to be told that masculinity itself is the problem
They need a broader and more humane vision of manhood—one that makes room for strength and tenderness, ambition and service, independence and connection, courage and compassion
The goal is to help young men discover forms of masculinity that are authentic, responsible, emotionally mature, and deeply connected to the well-being of others
Brown, A. (2023, February 8). For Valentine’s Day, 5 facts about single Americans. Pew Research Center.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/02/08/for-valentines-day-5-facts-about-single-americans/
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2024). Mental health and suicide risk among high school students and protective factors—Youth Risk Behavior Survey, United States, 2023. Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report, 73(Suppl. 4). cdc.gov/mmwr/volumes/73/su/su7304a9.htm
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2026a, May 20). Suicide data and statistics. cdc.gov/suicide/data/index.html
Dugan, A. (2025, May 20). Younger men in the U.S. among the loneliest in West. Gallup. news.gallup.com/poll/690788/younger-men-among-loneliest-west.aspx
Galloway, S. (2023, July 21). Boys to men. No Mercy / No Malice. profgalloway.com/boys-to-men/
Nassar, G. N., & Leslie, S. W. (2023). Testosterone. In StatPearls. StatPearls Publishing. ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK526128/
National Center for Education Statistics. (2024a). Immediate college enrollment rate. U.S. Department of Education, Institute of Education Sciences.nces.ed.gov/programs/coe/indicator/cpa/immediate-college-enrollment-rate
National Center for Education Statistics. (2024b). Undergraduate retention and graduation rates. U.S. Department of Education, Institute of Education Sciences.nces.ed.gov/programs/coe/indicator/ctr/undergrad-retention-graduation
National Institute on Drug Abuse. (2020, April 1). Sex differences in substance use. National Institutes of Health.nida.nih.gov/publications/research-reports/substance-use-in-women/sex-differences-in-substance-use
National Institute on Drug Abuse. (2023, June 14). Men died of overdose at 2–3 times greater a rate than women in the U.S. in 2020–2021. National Institutes of Health.nida.nih.gov/news-events/news-releases/2023/06/men-died-of-overdose-at-2-3-times-greater-a-rate-than-women-in-the-us-in-2020-2021
